LAW
1: |
No matter how bad your last
shot was, the worst is yet to come. This
law does not expire on the 18th hole,
since it has the supernatural tendency
to extend over the course of a tournament,
a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. |
LAW
2F |
Your best round of golf
will be followed almost immediately by
your worst round ever. The probability
of the latter increases with the number
of people you tell about the former. |
LAW
3: |
Brand new golf balls are
water-magnetic. Though this cannot be
proven in the lab, it is a known fact
that the more expensive the golf ball,
the greater its attraction to water. |
LAW
4: |
Golf balls never bounce
off of trees back into play. If one does,
the tree is breaking a law of the universe
and should be cut down. |
LAW
5: |
No matter what causes a
golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
partners must solemnly chant "You looked
up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. |
LAW
6: |
The higher a golfer's handicap,
the more qualified he deems himself as
an instructor. |
LAW
7: |
Every par-three hole in
the world has a secret desire to humiliate
golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater
its desire. |
LAW
8: |
Topping a 3-iron is the
most painful torture known to man. |
LAW
9: |
Palm trees eat golf balls. |
LAW
10: |
Sand is alive. If it isn't,
how do you explain the way it works against
you? |
LAW
11: |
Golf carts always run out
of juice at the farthest point from the
clubhouse. |
LAW
12: |
A golfer hitting into your
group will always be bigger than anyone
in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally
hit into will consist of a football player,
a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer
and an IRS agent or some similar
combination. |
LAW
13: |
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. |
LAW
14: |
Golf balls from the same
"sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly
out of bounds or into the water (See Law
three). |
LAW
15: |
A severe slice is a thing
of awesome power and beauty. |
LAW
16: |
"Nice lag" can usually be
translated to "lousy putt." Similarly,
"tough break" can usually be translated
"way to miss an easy one, sucker." |
LAW
17: |
The person you would most
hate to lose to will always be the one
who beats you. |
LAW
18: |
The last three holes of
a round will automatically adjust your
score to what it really should be. |
LAW
19: |
Golf should be given up
at least twice per month. |
LAW
20: |
All vows taken on a golf
course shall be valid only until the sunset. |
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